FOR YOU :))

you asked me to believe on you, only you
but look what you had done
look what you did to me
look how much I hurt because of it
look how much I suffer and try to survive
somehow, I manage to smile in front of you
I manage to laugh with my friends
but I can't manage my tears to stop falling
I can't manage myself to forget
I can't manage myself to move on
and yeah. I STUCK!
maybe I'm too stupid or too naïve
but I will not take any revenge from you
I won’t do anything like what you had done because I don't want to
and I never ever think about doing that to you
I won't hate you because I love you too much
I won't hate you because I don't want to hate you
and I won’t blame you nor anyone for what had happened
I blame myself instead!
but now, I know and I realize
I should do this since a long long time ago
I should really let you go since a long time ago, really let you go
what I want now is meet you
I want to meet you one more time
after that, I'll let you to make your own decision
stay with me but you'll not get anything that you want from me
or go away from me to find what you really want, your desires
go far away to find what you can't find in me
I'll let you go if you choose to go
just meet me one more time
one more time to make sure about everything :)

HACHIKO

iiih.. SUMPAHLAHYAAAAAA. HACHIKO ITU FILM PALING KEREN ABAD INI!! *lebay amat ye gue?*

seriusan loooohh. HACHIKO itu kerennya naudzubillah! gue aja sampe nangis nontonnya. apalagi pas udah deket endingnya. gue nangis seada-adanya doooong. huhu T.T

pengen banget punya anjing kayak hachi ituuuu. udah lucu, imut, bulunya tebel gitu, pinter pulak. dan yang paling penting, DIA ITU TERAMAT SANGAT SETIA SEKALI SAMA MAJIKANNYA! seriusan itu yang paling bikin gue terharu dan demen banget sama si hachi sampe nangis-nangis bombay gitu. HE KNOWS LOYALTY MORE THAN HUMAN DO! huaaaaa *jerit2 histeris sambil ngelap ingus*

dan setelah nonton si hachi, gue jadi sedikit bertanya-tanya sekarang. kenapa ya seekor anjing kayak hachi bisa lebih setia gitu dibandingin sama manusia? yaa.. bingung aja sih, penasaran. seekor hewan bisa segitu setianya coba. dia nungguin si majikannya keluar dan memunculkan diri di depan pintu stasiun kereta sampe bertahun-tahun. tapi kok manusia ga bisa sesetia itu? walaupun ga berarti setia nunggu kayak si hachi. maksudnya setia dan ga nyeleweng dari pasangannya. kalo setia nunggu yaa, tergantung tiap orang sih. kalo udah nunggu bertahun-tahun, berabad-abad tapi ga ada kemajuan kan mending berhenti nunggu aja. iya kan?

gue nge-post kebingungan gue itu kan tadi di salah satu social networking. "SEEKOR ANJING BISA SEGITU SETIANYA. KENAPA MANUSIA GA?". dan ada salah satu kenalan gue yang jawabnya gini, "iyalah anjing setia. anjing kalo ga setia, kagak bakal dikasih makan. sedangkan manusia, mo setia apa kagak, tetep aja dia bisa makan"

dan gue jadi makin mikir, segitu sempitnya ya pemikiran orang-orang? cuma dinilai dari bisa makan apa nggaknya gitu? kalo kayak gitu doang, kan anjing juga bisa kayak gitu. dia ga perlu setia sama majikannya buat dapet makanan. dia bisa kok lari kesana kemari nyari makan sendiri. ga perlu nunggu majikannya untuk ngasih makan ke dia. iya kan? pemikiran gue ga salah-salah banget kan ya? atau malah cara berpikir gue yang sempit?

entahlah. gue nulis ini semata-mata karna gue penasaran aja. bukan bermaksud mo nyinggung orang atau apapun. ga kok, seriusan deh. sekedar karna rasa terharu sekaligus bingung dan penasaran yang muncul setelah nonton kesetiannya si hachi aja :D

gue rasa, kalo semua orang bisa setia kayak hachi, ga akan ada orang yang merasakan sakitnya terluka karena dikhianati kan? ga akan ada orang yang bersedih karena merasa terkhianati. ga akan ada yang namanya marah-marahan, dendam, atau musuh-musuhan. dan mungkin dengan itu, dunia ini bisa jadi tempat hidup yang lebih baik lagi :)

*P.S: kalo ada salah-salah kata atau dianggap sotoy, maaf-maaf aja yaa. kosakata saya sering terhapuskan dari memori. harap dimaklumi :DD

F.R.I.E.N.D.S (??)

hey, I haven't write anything in my blog for such a long time. err.. I have no idea to write down in this blog. well, it's such a good thing that I'm not junk here, right? it's a good thing that I do not write any 'sad and stupid problem' of mine anymore in this blog, isn't it? LOL

okay. what do I have to write then? hmm.. let me think. ah! I got an idea! ck. no, I'm lying. I don't get any ideas -_____-"

I guess I'll just write everything that comes to my mind :D

I had a good friend once. well, you know how friends always be. we fought, we made up again, we chit-chat about everything, we did so much thing together. but someday, she just turn to be my enemy. well, in a good manner of speaking, she is not my good friend anymore

it began when I had a little problem with someone. she had suddenly been so annoying! I didn't know what she wanted exactly. but she acted bitchy! yeah, I CALLED HER A BITCH! I'd never ever thought that me and her would be like what us be now, STRANGERS. I have no communication with her. and I feel like I don't need her to be my friend

maybe some people will think that I'm wrong or what. I thought like that, too, sometimes. I always thought that it’s such a pity to lose friends. but when I remember everything that she had done, I come to think that sometimes, losing friends is not really that bad. sometimes it could be something that we need to be grateful of. and I really am grateful for losing her as my good friend. I REALLY AM! I don't need a bitch to be my friend. I need a good and reliable person to be my friend. and I know, she is not the person that I need :))

Kwiz.Biz Kwiz!

Your Arashi...
Full Name
Age
Your best friend	Sakurai Sho
your lover	Ninomiya Kazunari
your enemy	Matsumoto Jun
your s*x buddy	Ohno Satoshi
your best friend's boyfriend	Sakurai Sho
This cool quiz by xtraordinarilynaked - Taken 357 Times.

New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice!

broken heart ngefeknya parah!!

bingung juga harus mulai darimana. emm.. maybe it's better if I begin with apologizing to you all. mohon maap banget dah buat kalian" yang pasti dengan sangat tidak sengaja membaca blog ini. hehehe. abisnya uda lama banget kan gua ga apdet blog gua ini. dan sekalinya apdet malah nulis sesuatu yang asli nyampah banget!! hahahaa. I'm so sorry guys.. but I'm broken heart now. jadinya lagi melow" ga jelas gitu :D

yah.. mungkin semuanya bakal bilang gua stupid atau apalah. gua dengan sangat santainya ngelanggar aturan yang dibuat sama orang yang kalo kata temen" dia itu perhatian sama gua dan kalo kata gua dia itu terlalu posesif. dan akhirnya orang itu minta break sama gua. dan gua dengan sangat tidak tau dirinya malah mengiyakan dengan cara diam. beuh.. parah banget!! ya.. ceritanya kan gua mo jadi anak baek. jadi kalo emang orang itu mau break sama gua ya gua iyain. walopun abis itu gua nangis" darah tiap malam **okei. ini lebay ga jelas!**

well.. emang dimana" broken heart pasti ngefeknya parah. ia kan? apalagi kalo yang broken heart itu cewe. tanda yang paling pasti adalah MANGKAS RAMBUT. cepak cepak deh. ia kan? hahahaa. and you know what? gua sempet terpikir buat lepas jilbab sebagai pengganti proses pangkas rambut itu **astaghfirullah..** tapi ya alhamdulillah. itu cuma kegilaan sesaat dan Insya Allah ga kejadian. hehehe. tapi tetep aja efek yang laen jalan juga. gua harus nangis" ga jelas tiap malam dan tiap gw lagi sendiri. bahkan saat maen basket pun gua masi bisa nangis --" gua kehilangan mood makan gua yang berakibat gua idup dengan roti selama 3 hari dan maag gua kambuh parah. dan sepertinya efek yang satu ini masi akan berlanjut **bedeuh..** dan gua jadi sangat sangat labil. lebih labil daripada tya yang dulu. parah banget!

dan semua efek itu makin parah setelah anak itu bilang dia lagi sering dengerin lagunya *pasto* yang judulnya *jujur aku tak sanggup*! katanya berasa cocok sama lagu itu. maksudnya apa juga gua ga ngerti. yang pasti setelah dia bilang itu gua jadi ngerasa dimainin. gua benci kayak gini! he made me hope for nothing! setelah dia ngejatuhin gua dengan keras dia bikin gua berharap! sekali lagi. maksud dia apa juga gua ga ngerti!

gua uda sakit oii.. gua uda sakit hati, sakit kepala, sakit maag, insomnia. apa lagi? gua uda sakit! mau ditambah sakit apa lagi guanya? sakit ginjal? kanker? jantung? aids? sakit apa lagi? daripada dibikin sakit terus, kenapa ga sekalian aja guanya dibunuh? biar sekalian selese kan semuanya! dia ga perlu ngurusin cewe childish ga tau diri kayak gua. dan guanya juga ga perlu sakit"an lagi. seenggaknya sakit hati itu ilang kan! gua persilakan dengan segala hormat buat dia bunuh gua dengan cara apapun yang dia mao! atau mungkin mao liat gua bunuh diri sendiri? fine! bakal gua bikin depan dia! tinggal dia bilang kapan mao liat gua bunuh diri, gua bikin depan mata dia! biar puas sekalian!

hufh.. bener" dah efek broken heart ini. parah banget!! mhuahahahaa. nyampah! yaudalah. saia akan mencoba untuk tidak menangis lagi. dan yang paling penting saia harus mengembalikan mood makan saia!! beuh.. mhuahahahaa

let's make changes!! :D

I just had signed up on SEACHANGE last night *and hopefully I'll pass :)* .. and after I answered those 3 questions, I had thought over my personal life again. well, I haven't really thought of my life before. maybe until last night. I just thought, what change do I really want for myself? it's not just about that. but I started to think, is there anything that I had did to make my life better?? okei. seems like there is nothing

yeah.. I know I wrote that I want to care more. and I really meant it. I want to care more about my life. I want to care more about my study. I want to care more about everything. because as long as I can remember, I have never really care about those sort of things. I have never really put my attention on it. if I could say, I had broken it. I had ruined over my own life!! and, yeah. that's a stupid thing to do!! hahahhaha

maybe now is the time to make changes in my life. maybe now is the time to make my life better. maybe now is the time to think over it. well, as I have that chance now, right? the problem is, will I be able to do that? will I really make a good changes to make my life better? okei. that's one of my problems. the big problem!! I don't have enough confidence to do that. well, I have no enough confidence to do everything. I just always give the right to make decisions over my life to my mom and dad. and I just accepted it whether I like it or not. and I prefer to not doing anything, to not saying anything, even it has something to do with me and my life

yeah.. I know it sucks! but I kept on doing that in the past. but now, I guess I'll try to stop being like that. I can't depend on my parents for all my life, can I? hehehe.. :D I'll try..

bingung mo ngasi judul apa *edit*

well, belakangan ini gw ngerasa jadi orang paling childish sejagat raya. banget! okei. seutan sintokla. hehe. pasalnya, gw lagi sering banget berasa jealous sama cowo gw. gw bisa dengan mudahnya jealous kalo dia deket" sama orang laen. gw bisa dengan mudahnya jealous kalo dia ngomong sama orang laen. mo mereka cuma berdua atau lagi rame", tetep aja gw berasa jealous. padahal itu temen gw sendiri! parah banget emang! hahahaa.

i know that I AM childish, selfish, and stupid. banget! tapi mo gimana lagi? gw ga bisa ngontrol itu. ya namanya perasaan kan jarang" bisa kita kontrol. ia kan? tapi gw masi ga abis pikir kalo gw bisa jealous sama orang" itu!! mereka itu temen gw gitu. kalo orang laen mah masi bisa gw bilang wajar. tapi ini? haahh! emang gw sering kelainan parah nih..

yang paling ga wajarnya *dan ini paling parah!* adalah, gw bisa ngerasa jealous bahkan hanya dengan mendengar cowo gw nyebut nama cewe itu atau mendengar cewe itu nyebut nama cowo gw! and they always do that! kayaknya selama ini kalo cowo gw atau cewe itu lagi ngobrol sama gw pasti ada aja mereka saling nyebut. ini yang paling bikin gw mo nangis darah! huhuhhu.. kalo udah kejadian kayak gitu, gw pasti langsung berasa jadi orang luar yang ga tau dan emang seharusnya ga tau apa". makanya sering gw diemin aja. daripada dua"nya gw gampar?! hahahah.

kadang gw mikir, mungkin seharusnya cowo gw itu jadiannya sama salah satu dari cewe itu, bukan sama gw. seenggaknya gw ga akan se-hopeless dan sesakit ini.. :( tapi tenang. gw belom sampe tahap pengen bunuh diri. hahahah. yah,, ceritanya kan gw mau mencoba jadi orang bae. gw mo mendukung mereka. kan ga mungkin gw minta cowo gw untuk jauhin tu cewe. i guess the problem is me, not him *ia kan? ia ga si?*

haahh!! kayaknya bener kata senior gw. SABAR. seems like that is the only one i can do. bener kan? mo apa lagi coba kalo bukan sabar? hahahah. nanti juga gw bakal bisa lupa ini semua. doakan sajah :)

*i don't want to think. i don't want to care. i just want to forget :)